Holy hell, it’s hot up in this bitch. This bitch being New England. I’m sure other parts of the country are much hotter, but I only care about me obviously.

My day today started out super. The darling counter chick at Dunkin Donuts bitched me out because she got my order wrong. Yes, it was all MY fault she couldn’t wrap her mind around the difference between an ice coffee and a regular coffee on a 90+ degree day. It was clearly way out of line for me to expect her to correct it. I might’ve screamed “f–k you and your mother too” as I was peeling away from the drive-thru window. Homie don’t play on a sunny day, yo. <– I clearly missed my calling as a gangsta rapper.  I haven’t heard a rhyme this tight since…

The Red Sox managed to win a close one last night. Papelbon actually saved a game too. I’m thinking streak. Let’s do it! Hopefully the Rays continue to lose too. That would be most helpful. My theory on them is that they’re shooting their wad right now and will be burned out by the time we get to the playoffs. Well, that’s the plan on my end anyway. I didn’t actually watch last night’s game until the final inning. I have an attention span problem when it comes to baseball unless I really force myself to watch from beginning to end… oh and speaking of attention span problems, what’s this I hear about Manny not swinging at pitches during the game? What hell, you say? I prefer to think he was just daydreaming about ponies and forgot he was at the plate.

For the love of the kabbalah red string and all that is holy, would the braintrust at ESPN and all their various talking heads please PLEASE please stop qualifying themselves every time they want to say anything about Stray A-Rod. I’m so sick of hearing them tap dance around the fact that they’re reporting on gossip. They should either shut the frack up and not talk about it – if it really pains them so much — or they should just talk about it and not worry about how it makes them look. Personally, I don’t see ESPN as a bastion of impartiality in the first place, so what difference does it make?

Dear Brett Favre - MAKE UP YOUR FRACKING MIND! Thank you and good day sir. I said good day!