Hey Red Sox, what’s up with the whole winning the first two games and losing the last one thing? Are you allergic to housework and can’t find the broom? Sheesh. Clearly you don’t understand how greedy I am.

Also, Dustin Pedroia, when did you turn into Joe DiMaggio? Wow. Little Dustin Pedroia. Who knew? It was hilarious when White Sox Manager whats-his-face said that he wasn’t afraid of Big Papi anymore, he was more afraid of Dustin Pedroia. Damn. Kudos, kid.

Good news about [my boyfriend] Josh Beckett! The MRI was negative. Phew! Praise jellybellys!

Wow. Talk about a buzzkill. Game 2, the Red Sox literally slaughter the Yankees 11-3. Right in front of Fat Jack, no less. That was good times. Then in game 3, Jon Lester pitches a fan-fracking-tastic game and it looks like a sweep is imminent and what happens? Wha wha what? The bullpen (I shall not throw him by name under the bus - I’m a peach like that) blows monkeyballs letting Giambi win the game for the Yankees. Talk about going from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. It’s like winning a million games in the regular season and then losing the Superbowl. Stop the insanity. And no, I’m not just glad to have won the series 2-1. We should’ve put the nail in the coffin and swept the joint. That is the only thing that would’ve made me happy. Ok fine, I’m spoiled.

Josh Beckett has to go see Dr. James Andrews. Nooooooooo!

Patriots v. Giants pre-season loss: I don’t watch any pre-season bullshrimp, but my mom is a little worried now. Personally, I don’t count any games where Tom Brady and Randy Moss aren’t on the field. I won’t begin any evaluation until the regular season starts. Besides, Belichick loves to mindfrack the league. He would love it if the rest of the teams got their hopes up.

7-3 win is a nice start. I wasn’t sure what we were going to get from Wakefield. I had to ask everyone within earshot at work, “Hey, what do we think about Wake on the mound tonight? Confident?” and mostly the answer was, “Meh. Maybe.” I really didn’t watch the game. I flipped the channel back to the game during commercials just to check the score. It’s hard for me to watch them play games that I really really really want them to win (as opposed to all the other games where I really want them to win.) It was a typical Sox game though, where everything seemed hunky dory until the bullpen went in and then… *cue the doom music* Bases fracking loaded. Oh the humanity! But, then we won. Freakin roller coaster as usual.

Right now, I am watching a combination of the Sox/Yanks game, Law & Order and College Football Live on ESPN2. I know next to nothing about Byrd, so I have no idea what to think. Giambi’s mustache cracks me up. It’s taken on a life of it’s own, just like Manny’s dreads. Did I just see Fat Jack Nicholson in the pricey seats wearing a Yankees hat? Haha, that figures!

Manny Delcarmen scares the shit shrimp out of me. I wouldn’t say Gagne-scared or Bucholtz-scared, but close enough to those to make me extremely uncomfortable when the game’s on the line. He seems like a really great kid (and does a mean Milli Vanilla impression w/Papelbon) but cod damn it, I just can’t watch him pitch without covering my eyes and peeking through my fingers. *sigh*

Jed Lowrie’s been quite Ellsburyian this season. My mother said, “Poor Julio. After they won the World Series last year he said, ‘I guess I’m the best shortstop in baseball!’ and I thought that was so cute.” I might have muttered something about him being on crack if he thinks that. I’m a realist after all. So yeah, if Jed Lowrie doesn’t have Lugo’s job by next season, I’ll be shocked. Then again, I didn’t think Coco would still be around after the way Ellsbury performed and he’s still here (out-performing JE some of the time too). So, who knows.

I’m scared that the most interesting thing about the Red Sox was Manny Ramirez because since he left, I find myself with absolutely nothing to write about. Jason Bay is great. He’s another consistent lunch pail guy with a fantastic work ethic. Christ, what am I supposed to do with that? Schilling used to provide some nice material once-upon-a-time, but he’s gone now too for all intents and purposes. *sigh* I suppose Manny being on another team doesn’t mean I can’t still talk about him, right? So, I decided to see what he’s been up to and Google Newsed him. I was not disappointed. The first article comes up is from the LA Times and is called, “Manny Ramirez’s mixed-fashion sense fits in L.A.” and the subheading is, “Dreadlocks. A suit. Shades. Expect the unexpected from the newly minted Dodger.” Cod damn it, that’s fracking fabulous! Seriously. Manny must be happy as a pig in shit right now. He’s the toast of the town. The center of the universe. King fracking tut… and apparently, a fashion trend setter. Here’s my favorite line from the article:

“From the length of his hair to the number he wears (99), he knows the impact every stylish detail can have.”

You just can’t make this shit up.

Ok, let’s just face facts here. I’m a delinquent blogger. I think I’ll blog a lot more when the NFL and NBA start up again. Every time I even think about blogging these days its to bitch about Manny Ramirez. I think he’s clearly occupied enough real estate on my blog already. I spend a lot more time on the internet on my phone these days too. Twitter and Facebook are particularly easy to update from my Sidekick. Maybe I’ll see if Wordpress has a plugin to make it easier to update from my phone.

Anyway, enough about my dereliction of duties… Paul THE TRUTH Pierce is co-hosting with Greeny on Mike & Mike this morning. It’s like I died and went to heaven and Christmas morning all rolled into one. An entire episode devoted to talking about my beloved Celtics and their championship. Even Donnie Wahlberg called in. Good times, good times. I’m tired because I stayed up until after 1am watching the Wms Gymnastics All-Around competition. Congrats to Nastia and Shawn, but I’m exhausted. Oh and a shelf collapsed in my kitchen around 3am and scared the bejesus out of me and my dogs. My boston terrier was completely traumatized, so I had to console her for a half hour before going back to bed. Aye yay yay.

So Brett Favre is a Jet. I was flipping channels when the news broke and I think it’s a sure sign that I watch too much ESPN that my first thought was, “Greeny is going to be so excited!” Oy. It’s going to be interesting [for the Patriots] playing a Jets team that doesn’t suck monkeyballs (assuming that with Brett, they won’t suck monkeyballs). I heard that the Jets store sold 3200 Favre jerseys in one day and broke the record for most jerseys sold in one day. Personally, I would’ve waited a few days in case he changed his mind, but that’s just me.

I’m excited to have the NFL coming back. Not as excited as if the NBA was back, but at least there will now be something on besides baseball. I love the Red Sox, but baseball is by far my least favorite sport to watch regularly. Also, with NBA/NFL there are other teams I’m interested in besides Celtics/Pats, but with baseball, I’m only interested in the Sox. I watched the Saints/Cardinals game last night aka Reggie/Matt. Reggie’s team beat Matt’s by quite a bit. Those preseason games are so meaningless though, it’s hard to get too jazzed either way.

So Manny is suddenly hitting homers again and running hard… It’s a MIRACLE! That little frackhead. Before we know it, he’s going to be in pinstripes high-fiving Johnny Damon. Well what do you know, I’m still a bitter Mannyhater. I think I’ll just embrace it…

Update: Sweet baby jesus. I’ve seen it all now. Boston.com reports that due to “Manny Mania” they’re going to start selling Dodgers hats out in LA with dreadlocks sewn into them… I know I should get over this one of these days and stop reporting on every stupid move Manny makes, but that would require me to become mature and de-bitter-ize myself and let’s face it, that ain’t happening. Speaking of bitterness, Eli Manning is on Sports Center right now hawking DirectTV. Even though I know he’s a good guy, I still want to punch him. *sigh* I have issues.

Jason Bay and Jed Lowrie. What a breath of fresh air those two are. The whole team just seems fresher and lighter. Like a big ugly fog has been lifted from the dugout at Fenway. Speaking of Manny, I heard a rumor (yes, my Mom) that he’s agreed to cut his hair. Reminds me of another sellout *cough Johnny Damon cough*. Oh well… I wipe my hands of him. I know he’s said nice things about the Boston fans in his presser, but I don’t care. If he really cared about the fans, he wouldn’t have acted like a jerkface sockmonkey every single fracking year for no reason other than that he was a spoiled rotten primadonna. Phew. I guess I’m still bitter. Not as bitter as I still am about those smelly NY Giants stealing my Superbowl trophy… but close. 

Man, I have been an extremely delinquent blogger. Thank goodness I don’t have a legion of fans following my every word. I knew that would come in handy some day.

So. Manny’s going going……… GONE! Good riddance. He reminded me of a collicky baby. Wah wah, you don’t deserve me. Wah wah, trade me for Brett Favre. Wah wah, *silence*. Ah yes, that’s better. Have fun with the headcase, Joe. He’ll be great in the beginning, but before you know it, you’ll be curled up in a fetal position pulling your hair out just like Tito.

Brett Favre. I’ve been trying not to go off on this topic because it’s so ubiquitous, but what the hell. Dude, GO AWAY! Go away, go away, go away. There must be a reason why you keep threatening to retire. Maybe you should just go ahead then and retire. Or play. But, make a motherfracking decision and stick to it. I don’t give a shrimp anymore how hard of a decision it is… This isn’t Sophie’s fracking Choice. You aren’t picking which one of your children lives or dies. It’s football. You either play or you don’t play. Stop forcing this soap opera on the NFL every season, it’s tired. I don’t even have a horse in the race and I’m friggin exhausted.