Holy hell, it’s hot up in this bitch. This bitch being New England. I’m sure other parts of the country are much hotter, but I only care about me obviously.

My day today started out super. The darling counter chick at Dunkin Donuts bitched me out because she got my order wrong. Yes, it was all MY fault she couldn’t wrap her mind around the difference between an ice coffee and a regular coffee on a 90+ degree day. It was clearly way out of line for me to expect her to correct it. I might’ve screamed “f–k you and your mother too” as I was peeling away from the drive-thru window. Homie don’t play on a sunny day, yo. <– I clearly missed my calling as a gangsta rapper.  I haven’t heard a rhyme this tight since…

The Red Sox managed to win a close one last night. Papelbon actually saved a game too. I’m thinking streak. Let’s do it! Hopefully the Rays continue to lose too. That would be most helpful. My theory on them is that they’re shooting their wad right now and will be burned out by the time we get to the playoffs. Well, that’s the plan on my end anyway. I didn’t actually watch last night’s game until the final inning. I have an attention span problem when it comes to baseball unless I really force myself to watch from beginning to end… oh and speaking of attention span problems, what’s this I hear about Manny not swinging at pitches during the game? What hell, you say? I prefer to think he was just daydreaming about ponies and forgot he was at the plate.

For the love of the kabbalah red string and all that is holy, would the braintrust at ESPN and all their various talking heads please PLEASE please stop qualifying themselves every time they want to say anything about Stray A-Rod. I’m so sick of hearing them tap dance around the fact that they’re reporting on gossip. They should either shut the frack up and not talk about it – if it really pains them so much — or they should just talk about it and not worry about how it makes them look. Personally, I don’t see ESPN as a bastion of impartiality in the first place, so what difference does it make?

Dear Brett Favre - MAKE UP YOUR FRACKING MIND! Thank you and good day sir. I said good day!

I spent last weekend in a blissful Red Sox coma. I was super exhausted and couldn’t muster up the energy to do anything more taxing than lying on the couch with the dogs watching the Sox play the Astros. I could’ve done without the two losses in a row, but such is life. For the love of manny being manny and all that is holy though, could someone please manage a few more hits when my-boyfriend-Josh-Beckett is pitching? The piddly offense is hurting his stats. [Oh and by the way, calling him that is just a bad habit I got into a few years ago. I promise I'm not one of those freaky chicks who signs up for message boards under monikers like, "Mrs_Jeter" and "TomBradys-Lady." *shiver*]

Speaking of Manny Being Manny, what’s this hubbub about Manny going diva and shoving staffers around over game tickets? Gah. I was just starting to find him completely charming again and he has go and do something crummy. Allegedly. *wink* I put Manny and Paul Pierce into the same category in terms of Boston sports figures and how I feel about them. I want to like them, but sometimes they say or do things that are hard to dismiss.

Red Sox play the Rays tonight. My mother continues to insist on calling them the Devil Rays despite multiple corrections from me. I have finally given up. Why do I give a shit what she calls them, they suck. And by suck, I mean they’re disturbingly good and that sucks.

Dear Devil Rays,

You fight like little girls.  Your catcher is sitting on top of Coco, literally holding him down while your best and brightest throw haymakers at him and he comes crawling out of the pile like, “That’s the best you’ve got?” Well, when that happens, you know you’re a bunch of sorry ass losers. Unbelievably though, some fool at ESPN actually had the nerve to question whether this new Sox/Rays rivalry would become the new Sox/Yanks rivalry. Are you fking kidding me? Bitch, please.

No love,
me