“Give the ball to Paul Pierce and get the hell out of the way…” –KG
“That was the ghost of Red Auerbach guiding that ball in…” –Paul Pierce

Update: Fkme gently with a chainsaw. We really can’t win on the road anymore apparently. Just as disturbing is the fact that I’ve tried voodoo dolls and hypnotism and nothing slows Lebron James down. Nothing. Blah.

Dear my beloved Celtics,

• Please win tonight so people can shut up about you not winning road games.
• Please win so I can proudly sport my spiffy Boston Celtics adidas jacket around town tomorrow with pride.
• Please win so you can get some rest before you have to play the Deeetroit Pistons — they’re good in case you didn’t know.
• Please don’t turn the ball over like the Orlando Magic.
• Please don’t dribble the clock out and then chuck a jumper — I’m looking at you Sam.
• Please remember that Lebron’s mom is ready to fk you up. Stay alert.

Dear Cleveland Cavs,

• Delonte, please remember that not that long ago, you were wasting away in Seattle. You got to the playoffs as a starting point guard for a Lebron James team. That should be good enough for now. Don’t be greedy. ( I still love you though, *air kiss*)
• Lebron, don’t you have some commercials to shoot? A vacation to take? Stare into this spinning wheel… you are getting very very sleeeeepy.
• Wally, you really do look like a cross between Derek Zoolander and a member of the Backstreet Boys.
• Z and Andy, please trade hairstyles just for my amusement.
• Boobie, get well soon. Well, not too soon.

That’s all I got.

GO CELTICS!

Love,
me

Cavs v. Wiz

• Delonte West. I told you he’d be good for something someday! He wasn’t my favorite Celtic pre-KG for no reason bitches. ;) Hell fking YEAH baby.
• It occurs to me that the more people hate on DeShawn Stevenson, the more he loves it. He has “star player wannabe” syndrome and he has it bad. He can shoot the 3 and sometimes look spectacular doing it, but he’s not Lebron. Not Kobe. He’s not even Gilbert Arenas. He’s DeShawn. A sometimes hot 3-point shooter. I wish he’d stop growing gnatty beards, shaving mohawks into his dome, crankin dat with soulja boy and most of all, I really wish he’d stop it with the “you can’t see me” hand in the face waggle. It’s just embarrassing.

Suns v. Spurs

• I approached this game as one would approach a funeral they were dreading. I wear black all the time, so it was hard to tell, but I was preparing myself for more circus shots from Tony Pah-Kah, incessant flop calls for Manu, tricky little hook shots from Timmayyyyyyy, dirty elbows and knees from Bowen and dagger 3’s from Big Shot Bob and the non-commentating Barry brother. Imagine my giddy surprise when the Suns beat down the Spurs like they were all carrying baseball bats… Even friggin Shaq was hitting free throws… well enough of them anyway. Why can’t the Suns do this every game? Why wait until they’re almost eliminated? It’s so infuriating. Oh well, I’ll take it.

Racing

• IRL - Wait, when did Dan Weldon get married?
• Sprint Cup (Talledega) - YAY Kyle Bush!
• Nationwide (Talledega) - Dario!

Random note

• Forget what I said about Al Horford being a class act. He’s dead to me. The playoffs will do that to you. No offense, Al. Josh Smith is also public enemy #1 and he is dead to me also. (haha)

Cavs v. Wiz - Neither team looks all that great actually. But, in this matchup, I’m rooting for the Cavs. Lebron is obviously Lebron, but I’ve loved Delonte West since he was a Celtic and I dig Boobie Gibson too. Also, Gilbert Arenas is turning into a wack job and DeShawn Stevenson has a godawful hairy beard and big fat mouth.

Suns v. Spurs - Fucking Spurs. The End.

Mavs v. Hornets - Currently watching this one. Initial thoughts are that the Mavs look better and will probably win. I’m not sure how the Hornets came into the playoffs with the #2 seed. They just don’t play like they’re that good. [Update: Forget everything I just said. Its like I was on crack or something. The Hornets won and look fan-fking-tastic. Forget "whoa Kobe"... WHOA Chris effing Paul. Sweet baby jesus.]

Recent NBA news - 1) Isiah Thomas finally got the boot. About friggin time. 2) J.J. Redick finally got some playing time the other night and went off for a career high 18 points. About friggin time.