Tonight, both the Cavs and the Celtics have a chance to finish off their opponents 4-2. I have my fingers and toes crossed that they both do that. I know its crazy to wish for Lebron James & Co. as your next opponents, but that is a testament to how much I despise the Wizards. The thought that I would have to suffer through more of DeShawn’s hand-over-face waggling crapola just makes me want to eat glass. Besides, I’m not afraid of any opponent for the Celtics. If they’re going to win the whole thing, they need to be able to beat anyone, so if Lebron is the “anyone” coming up, then so be it.

1. Update #1: The Cavs blew out the Wizards. YES YES YES! Hey DeShawn, buh-bye.
2. Update #2: Hawks 103, Celtics 100. SIGH. I knew this series would end up going the full seven. As I suspected, my trash talk jinxed the team! Does not bode well. Don’t worry about me though, I’m only halfway to the edge of this ledge.

So how ’bout that Roger Clemens scandal, eh? I love how it’s being reported that he had a “friendship” with Mindy McCready from the time she was fifteen, but didn’t start knocking boots with her until she turned eighteen. Mmmm yeah. Sounds plausible to me. I know pretty much every guy I know has “friendships” with girls and then wait for three years before trying anything with them. Yeah because you know, guys are usually that patient. Especially ridiculously rich, famous guys who are used to getting anything and everything they want.

The blogosphere was abuzz (haha, I love saying that) recently with the news that some crotchety lifetime journalist went off on Will Leitch about his trashy sports blog (Deadspin) on Bob Costas. I believe Braylon Edwards or some other athlete was there too, though he didn’t say much. Anyway, the best part of the whole entire thing was when Bissinger (the old dude) was reading from an apparent print-out of some Deadspin post and kept saying, “Big Daddy BALLS” (referring to the guest posts on Deadspin by KSK’s “Big Daddy Drew.”) Mmm yeah, maybe you had to be there. It was fking hysterical though, I swear. Watch this trainwreck if you dare…

Cavs v. Wiz

• Delonte West. I told you he’d be good for something someday! He wasn’t my favorite Celtic pre-KG for no reason bitches. ;) Hell fking YEAH baby.
• It occurs to me that the more people hate on DeShawn Stevenson, the more he loves it. He has “star player wannabe” syndrome and he has it bad. He can shoot the 3 and sometimes look spectacular doing it, but he’s not Lebron. Not Kobe. He’s not even Gilbert Arenas. He’s DeShawn. A sometimes hot 3-point shooter. I wish he’d stop growing gnatty beards, shaving mohawks into his dome, crankin dat with soulja boy and most of all, I really wish he’d stop it with the “you can’t see me” hand in the face waggle. It’s just embarrassing.

Suns v. Spurs

• I approached this game as one would approach a funeral they were dreading. I wear black all the time, so it was hard to tell, but I was preparing myself for more circus shots from Tony Pah-Kah, incessant flop calls for Manu, tricky little hook shots from Timmayyyyyyy, dirty elbows and knees from Bowen and dagger 3’s from Big Shot Bob and the non-commentating Barry brother. Imagine my giddy surprise when the Suns beat down the Spurs like they were all carrying baseball bats… Even friggin Shaq was hitting free throws… well enough of them anyway. Why can’t the Suns do this every game? Why wait until they’re almost eliminated? It’s so infuriating. Oh well, I’ll take it.

Racing

• IRL - Wait, when did Dan Weldon get married?
• Sprint Cup (Talledega) - YAY Kyle Bush!
• Nationwide (Talledega) - Dario!

Random note

• Forget what I said about Al Horford being a class act. He’s dead to me. The playoffs will do that to you. No offense, Al. Josh Smith is also public enemy #1 and he is dead to me also. (haha)

• WTH is wrong with the Pistons? Seriously. I am 100% a Celtics fan, but I’ve always had a ton of respect for the Pistons. Still do, but sweet jesus what’s their problem? They need to find some consistency in a bottle and drink it till they puke.
• ESPN really pounds the shizniz out of a story once they get their teeth into it don’t they? Yes yes, I know that’s a ‘thank you captain friggin obvious’ statement, but it honestly never ceases to amaze me how they handle it when they think they have “the big scoop” on something. What I’m referring to here is the “Josh Howard smokes weed and says the whole league does too” story. According to the blogosphere, its old news blah blah blah. I can’t believe that in addition to yammering about it all day on ESPN tv and radio, they grilled Devin Harris about it on the sidelines of the Mavs/Horns game. I thought he handled it really well. Just said J-Ho is a dude who speaks his mind yada-yada. Speaking of that game…
• Damp totally chucked little Chris Paul out the effing way at the end of that game. Pargo and Chandler immediately jumped to his defense. See, that’s what the Mavs were supposed to do when West put his grubby paws all over Dirk’s face. It’s called having your teammates back.
• Right now, I’m watching the Suns/Spurs. Fking Spurs.
• Bowen. Grrrrr. How I hate thee, let me count the ways.
• Van Gundy’s calling the game. Sweet. He’s so quotable, I hope he never goes back to coaching.
• The Spurs are ahead by 8 already and Duncan just slammed one square in STAT’s face. Aye yay yay.
• As my New England brethran would say, “That Tony Pah-kah is a little pish-ah.”
• Oh so last night’s Cavs/Wiz game… Mmmm yeah. Not so much. I’m fine with Caron and Agent Zero. I even respect the hell out of Antawn Jamison despite his bad taste in choosing a college to play for (haha). But, DeShawn Stevenson just needs to shut his blowhole already. He can hit a million threes and waggle his hand in front of his bearded grill all he wants, he’s never going to be good enough to step up to Lebron. It’s just a fact of life. It is what it is. Thanks for playing DeShawn, but grab your marbles and go home.

Cavs v. Wiz - Hey DeShawn, shave your face. The Wiz are out like gangbusters. I’m turning this bitch at 8pm to watch Gossip Girl, so hopefully the Cavs can get their shit together while I’m gone. I’ve already forgotten who’s playing next, but The Hills are on later too so I might have to miss some of that game too. I really need a DVR or TiVo. Only reason I haven’t gotten one by now is that I know I’ll tape a bunch of crap that I’ll never watch. [Checking in after halftime - The Cavs are up by 15. Sweet cherry pie. CW keeps airing a commercial for some show called "Farmer Wants A Wife" or some horseshit like that. WTF? Who watches that piss? Wait, me? Mmm, guilty. Not this time though, even I have standards -- low as they are.]