Holy hell, it’s hot up in this bitch. This bitch being New England. I’m sure other parts of the country are much hotter, but I only care about me obviously.

My day today started out super. The darling counter chick at Dunkin Donuts bitched me out because she got my order wrong. Yes, it was all MY fault she couldn’t wrap her mind around the difference between an ice coffee and a regular coffee on a 90+ degree day. It was clearly way out of line for me to expect her to correct it. I might’ve screamed “f–k you and your mother too” as I was peeling away from the drive-thru window. Homie don’t play on a sunny day, yo. <– I clearly missed my calling as a gangsta rapper.  I haven’t heard a rhyme this tight since…

The Red Sox managed to win a close one last night. Papelbon actually saved a game too. I’m thinking streak. Let’s do it! Hopefully the Rays continue to lose too. That would be most helpful. My theory on them is that they’re shooting their wad right now and will be burned out by the time we get to the playoffs. Well, that’s the plan on my end anyway. I didn’t actually watch last night’s game until the final inning. I have an attention span problem when it comes to baseball unless I really force myself to watch from beginning to end… oh and speaking of attention span problems, what’s this I hear about Manny not swinging at pitches during the game? What hell, you say? I prefer to think he was just daydreaming about ponies and forgot he was at the plate.

For the love of the kabbalah red string and all that is holy, would the braintrust at ESPN and all their various talking heads please PLEASE please stop qualifying themselves every time they want to say anything about Stray A-Rod. I’m so sick of hearing them tap dance around the fact that they’re reporting on gossip. They should either shut the frack up and not talk about it – if it really pains them so much — or they should just talk about it and not worry about how it makes them look. Personally, I don’t see ESPN as a bastion of impartiality in the first place, so what difference does it make?

Dear Brett Favre - MAKE UP YOUR FRACKING MIND! Thank you and good day sir. I said good day!

Son of a bratwurst, I thought of all these things I wanted to blog about today on my ride home from work (I have an hour commute and it keeps me from flipping off all the tools who fly by me yapping on their cell phones with one hand and smoking cigarrettes with the other — hey, who needs hands to drive? Not them, apparently!) and now I’ve pretty much forgotten all of it. Oh wait, now I remember… one of the things anyway.

Can I call an end to ESPN subbing in professional athletes to fill in for Mike Golic this week on Mike & Mike? I had no idea how much I truly despised Osi Umenurabastard until today. What a cocky monkeynut. Ok fine, I’m still bitter about the Superbowl, but damn… I wanted to fist fight him over pretty much every statement coming out of his mouth. He’d kill me of course, but that’s neither here nor there in a fictional fist fight. In a fictional fist fight, maybe I kick his ass.  It’s nice to finally have an NFL team to hate. I really want to hate the Colts, but they just aren’t that hateable. Even the Cowboys haven’t stepped up far enough to draw my ire yet. The Giants however, they’ve finally earned my eternal loathing.

Red Sox are playing right now. Wakefield is pitching. I’m not gonna lie, I don’t have a great feeling about it. I hate road games. Fenway is so much more fun. The familiarity of the park is better and of course the fans are wayyyyy better.  Cora just screwed up a routine play and then Cash missed a throw so the Rays draw first blood. Maybe if I switch the channel they’ll start playing better. The WNBA is on ESPN2. Ah, so that’s where Ivory Latta ended up.

I can’t wait to see where all the NBA free agents land. I heard that the Celtics offered contracts to both Posey and Maggette. Interesting. I love James Posey. Love love love him. I hope he stays, but I have a feeling he’s heading to warmer pastures. I think he really missed Miami this season even though he won a championship in Boston. I wouldn’t be shocked if he ends up somewhere where the sun shines a lot more. We’ll see.

Watching the NBA draft. Not too many surprises. A couple notes though:

1. Who knew that Joe Alexander had such a booming over-the-top loud voice? It was unsettling. Also, was it just me or was Stephen A. Smith dissing him at the end of the interview by saying that he was saying his team was lucky to get him (instead of him being lucky to get drafted)? Maybe it was just Stephen A. being Stephen A., but it sounded oddly hostile to me.
2. O.J. Mayo in Minnesota? Can’t see it. Never mind.
3. Have the NY fans at MSG ever NOT boo’ed their pick?
4. Pat Riley. What a minx.
5. Have I mentioned I love Jay Bilas? Oh I have? Never mind, then.
6. Why is Darrell Arthur dropping like a stone?
7. Josh McRoberts was included in a Portland trade with Indiana. Maybe playing at home will be good for him. He’ll also be reunited with Mike Dunleavy, Jr.
8. If the Orlando Magic select a shooting guard, I’m going to spazz out. They better take Arthur.
9. They just selected a shooting guard. Boo! Hiss! I don’t want to see J.J. on bench duty for yet another season.
10. I was typing and thought they just said that “Sir Chewbacca” just went to Seattle as the 24th pick. Clearly I need to actually read the picks and not just listen to Stern’s pronunciations.

Hmmm, chillin like a villain. Does anyone still say that? I guess I do.

Currently watching the NBA Draft Special on ESPN2. I seriously love Jay Bilas. Ok fine, I love Duke. Worse than that, I love Duke because of J.J. Redick. *ducking* Say what you will about J.J. and I’ve heard it all, but he was an assassin in his time. No, not an asshole - an assassin. See, I can read your mind. Scary huh? Everybody (save a few Crazies) hates Duke, I get that, but I’m not everybody. I could care less how unpopular my sports teams are. You can’t be a Patriots fan and be thin skinned.

Random thoughts… –I can’t get enough of this Shaq diss rap crap. It’s incredibly entertaining. Oh and ps, but I hope Kobe (or anyone else) doesn’t ever find out how Shaq’s ass tastes. Ewww. I guess I shouldn’t judge. Maybe you’re into that sort of thing. –Justin Masterson is impressive. The Sox have a great farm system. –I miss the NBA already. Thank goodness for draft coverage. The off-season is going to kill me though. Especially since I don’t even get NBA-TV. What kind of god-awful digital cable includes the NFL Network and doesn’t offer NBA-TV? Mine! Boo! –This may have been said already, but is it just me or does Bulls head coach Vinny del Negro bear a striking resemblance to Luke Wilson? –Update, Red Sox pull out a win against the Diamondbacks! Hot damn! Happy Jerry Remy Night to all!